The life stories of some very spoiled house rabbits
Mum has been taking a biology course lately, and the other day she told me that my markings (as seen from above) are “bilaterally symmetrical.”
Mum thought this was pretty neat and seemed very pleased with herself.
So I told her that she is bilaterally out of her mind. Then I proceeded to ignore her for the rest of the night.
I think she got the hint.
-Betsy
Lately dad has been lamenting over how much of a mess we make in our area, saying things like we’ve “gotten worse” and “stop making such a huge mess” and of course his exasperated cry of “I just cleaned your area!”
Whatever, dad. Gus and I have no idea what he’s talking about. Our area is just fine, thank you. And the hay that is scattered all over the floor – well, as we’ve talked about previously, if dad would just give us the good hay to begin with, we wouldn’t have to dig for it and scatter it everywhere. Honestly, can’t he figure this stuff out on his own, or do I have to spell it all out for him?
Anyway, the other day mum and dad came home with a new box, and then this thing showed up:
Dad said he was tired of constantly picking up after us, and tired of our hay clogging his regular vacuum.
Now, almost every day, once we’ve left our area and settled into dad’s office for our daily nap, we can hear dad using this thing for a little while out in our area. And then we come out, and all the hay we’ve meticulously scattered everywhere is GONE.
On top of that, now there’s a new loud thing (which of course scares Gus; but I am made of sterner stuff) and another reason for dad to be invading our space.
I don’t think I like where this is going.
-Betsy
Last night, dad came by and didn’t like how I’d moved our hay bowl into a crooked position in our area. So, he pushed it back.
The thing is, I was sitting there. So I grabbed the hay bowl with my teeth and pushed it back at him.
Dad was shocked (of course), but then he pushed the bowl back.
So I grabbed it again and tossed it back out sideways in the middle of our area again. “No, dad, I want it there.”
Dad just didn’t get it, so we tossed the bowl back & forth a few times. Dad tried to hold it, but he forgets that I’m quite strong!
Eventually he pushed it back and then put his hand in the bowl and leaned on it (with all his weight). But I’m not going to let him win – I just gave him a look and turned around and hopped away. Sometimes, “the only winning move is not to play.”
-Betsy
p.s. – as soon as dad went to bed I pushed the hay bowl back out. Take that, dad!!
Today dad picked me up and carried me to mummy, who was smiling in a way I didn’t like.
Turns out, I had good reason to be suspicious of her motives – just look!
Turns out she’d bought some little costumes at the store.
I don’t like this.
I will make you suffer for this indignity.
Eventually dad brought Gus into the party. Misery loves company, after all.
Gus didn’t understand it any more than I did.
I don’t think the crown fit him very well, either.
Bunnies should not be dressed up!
This is just silly mummy, take it off!
No, wait, that’s not what I meant!!
I wonder if it’d be OK if I took a flying leap off this table…
I don’t need no stinkin’ crown to know I’m the boss around here!
Gus did not like the implications made by this costume.
This is just not right.
After that, mum took the clothes off of us and dad helped her put us back down on the ground. Fortunately, the whole ordeal didn’t take more than a few minutes… but it was still degrading in a way that bunnies should not be subjected to.
I’ll have to think of something particularly valuable to chew on tonight to make up for this injustice.
-Betsy
My dad talks with us a lot during the day (since he works from home and is around us all day long). One phrase he uses a lot is “Hey Gussy boy, what’s happening,” said in the same tone of voice as that boss guy, um, “Lumburg” from that silly “Office Space” movie. (Dad has never asked me about my TPS reports, though.)
Since I think lots of the things my dad says are pretty crazy, I took some notes – here are all the crazy things my dad says to me during the day.
Hey Guys, time for brekkie!
Hey guys, what’s happening?
That’s my good little bunnies – eat your brekkie.
Hey Gus, where are you going?
Oh, hi Gus.
Gus? What are you doing out there?
Gus! You know you’re not supposed to be over there!
I see you, Gus!
Oh hey Gus – can I get past you now?
Gus… what are you doing?
Nap time, eh Gus?
You’re such a good boy Gussy.
C’mon Gus, time for din-din.
There’s my good boy, eat your din-din.
Awww, who’s a sleepy boy, huh? You tired, Gus? Had a long day?
Gus you’re so handsome!
Who’s daddy’s little angel bunny?
Er, Gus, that doesn’t look comfortable…
Goodnight guys, daddy’s going to bed now. You two be good. Play nice, don’t destroy anything, eat your din-din. I’ll see you in the morning. Daddy loves you – goodnight!
See what I mean? He’s totally bonkers.
What are some of the weird things your humans say?
-Gus
Honestly I don’t know why he does this – it just ruins the flavor, if you ask me.
Although I do approve of the paper cups he used – they have rabbits on them.
Still, they were Made from Captain Ruperts’ favorite carrot cake recipe, so maybe it’s not that bad.
-Gus
The sun was streaming into the living room this morning, and I was spending a litte time outside my area, just relaxing.
Then, I sensed something…
I feel like someone’s… watching me…
Oh, it’s just you, dad.
Hmmm, wait, you’re way over there and lying on the floor… you might have treats!! (Hey, you never know.)
I guess I’ll come over to investigate. Y’know, just in case.
Oh, hi Betsy.
Dad… what are you doing? Are you hiding treats??
SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF
Sadly, dad had no treats – just his silly camera.
Betsy was very disappointed.
Since there was nothing to eat, Betsy and I went back to our area to lounge around for a bit longer.
This story does have a happy ending, though! Dad came by later and gave us a treat!
Dad’s a tricky one, I tell you! You never know when he might have a treat! That’s why I always investigate whenever he does something different. You never know when it might pay off with a treat!
-Gus
Mum and dad sometimes talk about “bunny loaves.” They say this is an example:
Mum also says that Gus is “white bread” and that I’m “multi-grain.” Dad thought this was hilarious.
Mum and Dad sure have a weird sense of humor.
-Betsy
The other day dad reminded me of a story from when I was a young, little bunny.
When I first came to live with mum & dad, they tried very hard to make sure I was OK with all the strange noises that were around where they lived.
One night, there was a thunderstorm – it was the first thunderstorm since I’d come to live with mum & dad. Dad wasn’t sure I’d know what lightning and thunder was, and thought it might scare me (it did end up getting quite close, so it was really loud). So dad stayed up with me that night, talking to me until the thunderstorm was gone.
Of course, he didn’t have to do this – I’m a smart bunny and I know that you’re safe when you’re in a house. I was totally relaxed the entire time.
Of course it was nice of dad to stay up. But now he knows that thunder and lightning really doesn’t bother me – or Betsy, for that matter. Though dad still does stay up late with us sometimes – he’s just weird like that. (He can stay up as late as he likes – as long as he’s up on time for treats in the morning!!!)
-Gus
Dad says that someone’s told him that they’re having trouble when leaving our website. Being a particularly weird sort of human, he takes those sorts of problems seriously.
If it was me, I’d say just nibble the cords on your computer until the problem goes away. I hear Betsy is available for this sort of work, if you need help.
You may also want to try having a rabbit sit near your computer and disapprove of it. I’m sure the concentrated disapproval will scare your computer into behaving correctly.
Dad says if you have problems with our website you can get in touch with him here.
OK dad, now I did your silly announcement – now give me a treat!!
-Gus